... especially when you're going through life pretty much completely alone and don't really do a lot other than go to class, work, and study.
Seriously though, I'm sick of people telling me how negative I always am and stating that "things could always be worse." Yeah, no fucking shit. I could be paralyzed, or blind and deaf, or homeless, or a whole array of other things that I'm currently not and other people are. But you know what? Just because my life doesn't seem like it's the absolute worst it could be in your eyes doesn't mean that I should (or need) to be super peachy all the fucking time.
This blog is about change. And you know what? I'm trying my best. I'm sorry that my best isn't perfect and isn't good enough for you happy go lucky people out there.
Yes, I post a lot of negative things on facebook, but maybe that's because shit's not that easy for me right now. Seriously, I'd love to know how many of the people who are always telling me to not be so depressing and miserable and negative sounding are actually depressed or miserable themselves. I'm gonna say about -1%. The ironic part is that the majority of people who keep telling me not to be negative and that there's no reason for me to sound so miserable actually have their shit together and are leading decent lives. (Not to say that I'm not leading an overall decent life, but my shit is definitely not together.) The majority of them are in what are by now long term (or in some cases extremely long term) relationships, know what the fuck they wanna do with their lives, have friends that they see and hang out with on a very regular basis, and do shit other than go to class, work, and study. They have lives for Christ's sake. They do shit on the weekends with their friends. They get out and actually do things beside read all goddamn day. They have roommates who they actually hang out with. They have cable and other means of relaxing when all their work is done. They're not worried about how they'll pay bills. They have people that they can just randomly call up and talk to when they're having a bad day.
I don't have any of that shit. Maybe if I did, I'd sound more positive in my fb status updates. But I don't, because shit isn't going as peachy for me at the moment as it is for most of them.
Change doesn't happen over night. Telling me I need to be more positive isn't going to instantly make me into this super happy, outgoing, positive person that everyone wants me to be. People don't know half the shit I'm dealing with, and I'm pretty sure if they were actually in my situation, they wouldn't be screaming rainbows and sunshine either.
That's one of my problems with facebook. I actually have a lot of problems with it. Firstly, people take every single status update as if it's cold hard fact written in stone. I put up a status that ends in "someone shoot me, please, i'm beggign you" and the next thing you know I'm getting phone calls from my mom asking what it's about. My mother's not even fucking on facebook. They don't even have the goddamn internet at her house. She got a call from my older cousin who saw the post and then proceeded to tell me not to be so negative, that if I were more positive I'd be able to make friends, etc, then called my mum to tell her about it. Like for fuck's sake people, get over it! I don't post things on facebook so you can act like you know what's going on in my life. Ok, I do post things on facebook that have to do with the inner workings of my life that come out in coded fb updates but it pisses me off when people pretend to care. Evidently I used facebook in the wrong way. I use the status update essentially as a twitter feed, posting what I'm up to and how I'm feeling. Apparently no one gives a shit if someone is constantly miserable. So on one hand they take obviously sarcastic things literally and on the other hand they take the literal things to mean absolutely nothing. Way to go people of facebook. You're really doing well...
Really though, I hate that facebook gives people an easy way to pretend they care without actually having to give a shit and talk to someone in real life. Like if you really think I'm suicidal or that I'm depressed or that I need to be more positive, why not ask me directly why I'm posting these things, if I'm ok, or what they could do to help me not be so negative? Because people don't really give a shit about each other anymore. It's sad but true.
This blog is supposed to focus on change within me, but the larger realm of societal change works just as well. As much as I text and post of facebook, I still crave actual interaction with people. When I ask how someone is, I genuinely care about the answer. If someone wants to open up and tell me that they're actually shitty instead of "ok" or "good," then I'll take however long necessary in order to listen to them talk about what's wrong and what's been on their mind. No one does that any more. As a result of texting and facebook, people have the ability to be ridiculously indirect and show that they care without actually caring. They can pretend to be concerned, send you a text or fb message, then go about their business without actually having to deal with the repercussions of what that message said. People go to great lengths to avoid even voice to voice interaction over the phone. (I do do this sometimes; I won't deny it, but if I had the option to talk to someone straight up, I would, unless I were too terrified lol.) Like if you text me saying you're worried about me, I'm not really sure if I'm gonna completely believe you. If you genuinely were worried about me, you should probably pick up the phone and call me to talk about it, not just send me a text saying you're worried. And you should definitely avoid not responding to a text I sent you in response. That just proves you don't actually give a shit.
Anyway. I'm done ranting for today.
Main points:
1) Technology has changed people into uncaring creatures who just fake it all the time
2) If you don't actually know (or care) what's going on in my life, don't tell me to be positive
3) I'm working on becoming more positive and bettering myself, but change is a fucking slow ass process, so don't expect me to run around the world in a single day.
No comments:
Post a Comment