Tonight I've been discussing addiction with a friend. In an unrelated blog, I wrote a bit about how addiction is not a choice and how people need to stop treating it as such.
Here's an excerpt my friend pulled for me:
Most people assume that addictive behaviors, such as anorexia- and bulimia-nervosa, self-injury, alcoholism, drug addition, and depression (and yes, depression can be addictive), are done for attention, not because someone actually has a problem, be it psychological or otherwise. Well, I'm here to tell you that this isn't the truth in most cases. And even if it were, common, every day people aren't doing much to help the problem.
It always seems that when attention is given to people with these problems, it always comes about it in a negative light, and people never use the right words: "it's stupid to hurt yourself, starving/purging isn't the way to go about losing weight, drinking and doing drugs aren't going to get rid of your problems, there's no reason to be depressed, you're not fat, you cut/burn for attention..." the list goes on and on. Why is it that people assume this stuff is an easy fix, that if you just decide not to do it, you'll stop? In most instances, it is that easy. For people who aren't deep into it, for people who do literally do it just to be trendy, or for people who fake it, these types of common person "worries" might set them straight. For people who don't come equipped with an off-switch, it proves to be a more daunting task to "quit" their problems.
It always seems that when attention is given to people with these problems, it always comes about it in a negative light, and people never use the right words: "it's stupid to hurt yourself, starving/purging isn't the way to go about losing weight, drinking and doing drugs aren't going to get rid of your problems, there's no reason to be depressed, you're not fat, you cut/burn for attention..." the list goes on and on. Why is it that people assume this stuff is an easy fix, that if you just decide not to do it, you'll stop? In most instances, it is that easy. For people who aren't deep into it, for people who do literally do it just to be trendy, or for people who fake it, these types of common person "worries" might set them straight. For people who don't come equipped with an off-switch, it proves to be a more daunting task to "quit" their problems.
My response to the message in which my friend quoted this passage was worthy to be posted as its own blog entry. The following are my continued thoughts on the subject of addiction. I hope my ideas can bring comfort to you if you're currently, or have previously, (or some time in the future) struggle with any type of addiction or mental illness.
In my experiences, when someone becomes addicted to something, they lose the "real them" and develop an alternate self. There's the person you are, and the person you wish to become. The addictive behavior is an attempt to become that other person, the person you wish you could be, but can't allow yourself to become, because people may not approve of your desires. That other person can be someone you completely relate to on multiple levels, or they can be a stranger who just appeared one night, who you like to run and play with for a while and then come back to your "normal" self. Or, in some cases, your other self is someone you have no control over, who just appears for a while, taking both of you on a ride, going off and doing things on their own that you normally wouldn't do, or tagging along while you remain your "normal" self, just watching to see what happens, to see how they can convince you to let them run rampant for a while.
If you've never experienced the other self symptom, read the book Crank by Ellen Hopkins. It's written as a book of poems and is a great read (though it may put terrible ideas into your head). The story is loosely based off of Ellen's own daughter and her struggle with drugs, addiction, and teen pregnancy. In the story, Kristen meets a bad boy and doesn't want him to know her real name, so she introduces herself as Bree (odd, right?). Kristen is a straight A student who never gets herself mixed up with the wrong crowd; Bree, however, lives a wild life and finds pleasure and excitement in wild and dangerous things. Kristen, who would never touch a drug in her life, falls victim to Bree's exorbitant cravings for everything Kristen would never want: drugs, sex, rule breaking, lying, the whole nine yards. Reading this book would be the best way to see what some people experience in their daily lives when they lose control of themselves and fall into the realm of addiction. (Now, Kristen/Bree is an extreme case. Most of the people (ok, actually all of the people) I know who have lost themselves to another version, who have developed another person inside themselves, have not been addicted to meth, but Crank is the best way to let someone else get an idea of what we go through.
Now, it is important to note that just because someone loses themselves to another version of themselves (confusing, right?) doesn't mean that they're schizophrenic. That's a completely different mental illness altogether. We're not crazy, we just lose ourselves from time to time.
Addictions tend to run rampant in high schools. I'm sure most of you have read or heard about bulimia circles, cutting groups, diet buddies, etc. High school is full of kids who are beyond lost in life trying to find where they fit in. A lot of kids do practice these things just so they have something to share with others their age; something in common with other people who are just as confused as they are. But a major issue is that within these cliques, and mostly outside of them, are real people who really do suffer from these problems. They actually struggle to slow down or quit these habits because they are truly addicted to them. They need to have that aspect in their lives in order to appear properly functional (although on the inside they're screaming otherwise). People assume that all problems high school kids have are just fads and phases that they'll grow out of. I know that the majority of cases aren't as serious as they could be, and that people have a habit of hyping things up when there's really no epidemic going on. But for the few people who don't do it to be cool, who actually suffer from the intense and overwhelming life that comes from mental illnesses, there needs to be someone there to listen, who actually gets it and who understands that it isn't a game, it isn't a choice, it isn't something you actually want to go through.
I wish it were easier for people to get help, for people to admit they have problems. I think that if people were more open about coming clean about these problems, that we could help each other through them. I honestly don't know if there's a cure-all for this type of stuff; I don't know (and don't really believe) that we'll ever truly be 100% better, that we'll never have to deal with the stuff we went, and are currently going, through. And in a way, I don't think that's a bad thing. Our struggles, illnesses, and addictions made us into the people we are today, the good and the bad in all of us.
Addiction isn't something someone chooses to include in their life. Sure, they may make that initial decision to cut, to try not eating for a day, to try purging out the bad in order to feel good again, but we don't choose what becomes habit; habits usually occur naturally, without any effort. Think about it: When did you decide to start biting your nails when you get nervous? When did you make the conscious decision to need that cigarette or beer to calm you down? When did you decide that cutting actually helped release the pain? When did you decide that food, something you need to survive, wasn't good for you?
None of us have ever consciously decided any of those things, because we never had a choice as to whether or not we wanted to make that decision. We never had a choice when it came to what we are addicted to, because addiction is not a choice.
Addiction becomes real when you can't break the habit, no matter how hard you try, no matter how many people get angry at you or worry about you, no matter how much you want to stop because you know what you're doing is unhealthy, no matter how obvious it is that what you're doing is destroying the life you once had, the actual living you once did daily. This is one thing in life that isn't a simple matter of choosing what's right or wrong.
Public Service Announcement
If you're currently struggling with an addiction of any kind, I urge you to seek help, when you are ready to do so. (And that's an important part. You can't be helped until you're ready to accept the help being offered.) Talk to a friend, go see a counselor (many schools provide free counseling services), journal, do whatever distracts you from the addiction for a while; do whatever you believe can help you get through this. I'm not saying that it will ever completely go away. You're going to have to work the rest of your life to keep the addiction at bay. But in the long run, I believe it'll be worth it.
Pardon the TWLOHA plug, but this link links you to many links where you can find help for whatever you're dealing with. (linkity link link [figured I'd throw a few extra "links" in there while I was at it.])
Post Script
Tonight's song was something I came upon by complete accident. I originally was going to use the song from this entry's title (Simple Plan's Addicted) but that song didn't quite fit the way I wanted. Too lovey dovey. So instead, I googled "Addicted lyrics" and found the only artist in the suggestions drop down that wasn't a rapper. Following the links to the youtube video, I ended up with the perfect song for this entry. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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